Tuesday, December 27, 2011

Polish Santa

Its an O family tradition to read Polish Santa every year. Its just noy Christmas without it. Aunt Ce-Ce does it best; as the perfect polak accent, but since we now get together with her sometime after the holidays, my sister gave it a shot. And I must say she gave it a valiant effort, very valiant effort. . .

Da Night Before Christmas in Poland

'Twas the night before Christmas 
In my Polish house
I creeped down da stairs 
As quiet as mouse.

Da rest of my family
Dey is asleep
With visions of mushrooms 
Through der heads creep.

Da work shoes are hung 
By da chimney with care
In hopes that St. Stash 
Hill fill them dere.

While over in corner 
Is silly to see
Kielbasa and cabbages 
Hanging from tree.

Den dere's dis bang
Da house starts to shudder,
Some nut lands on roof
And breaks da rain gutter.

He starts down da chimney
Swears cuz it's tight.
I hide behind beer cases
Way out of sight.

He lands in the fireplace –
Scorching his hair
On da busted up orange crate
Still burning dere.

He climbs out - I peak
And get a good look
He just like picture
In my Polish book.

He got vodka glazed eyes
And stomach like bubble,
A five-day beard –
There's soot on the subble.

Dis Polish Santa
I know without fear
Cuz he heads for da kitchen
And opens a beer.

He's lost all da buttons
Off his old mackinaw
And wears da biggest tennis shoes
I ever saw.

He finished a six pack
And gives a big smirk,
Reaches in potato sack
And then goes to work.

Now under da tree
He starts to set
Da most beautiful presents
A Polak can get.

There's a new mushroom basket
And shovel for brother,
A bright red babushka
And a pick axe for mother.

I must see him leave
So I rushes outside
And looks up da roof
While in bushes I hide.

And what do I see
Through da twigs
But this old wooden garbage cart
Pulled by eight pigs.

Polish Santa jumps in
And gives them all hell,
"Come on youse pigs
Don't just stand there and smell.

On Stella, On Walter,
On Stanley, and Joe,
And all youse others
Who names I don't know.

Fly over da junk yard
And stay out of sight
Must visit all peoples
Before I get tight."

Then I hear him say
As he flew over me -
"I'm da only Polak

That gives things for free."

Saturday, December 24, 2011

The Night Before Christmas

Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house
Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse.
The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,
In hopes that St Nicholas soon would be there.

The children were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of sugar-plums danced in their heads.
And mamma in her ‘kerchief, and I in my cap,
Had just settled our brains for a long winter’s nap.

When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the bed to see what was the matter.
Away to the window I flew like a flash,
Tore open the shutters and threw up the sash.

The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow
Gave the lustre of mid-day to objects below.
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a miniature sleigh, and eight tinny reindeer.

With a little old driver, so lively and quick,
I knew in a moment it must be St Nick.
More rapid than eagles his coursers they came,
And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name!

"Now Dasher! now, Dancer! now, Prancer and Vixen!
On, Comet! On, Cupid! on, on Donner and Blitzen!
To the top of the porch! to the top of the wall!
Now dash away! Dash away! Dash away all!"

As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,
When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky.
So up to the house-top the coursers they flew,
With the sleigh full of Toys, and St Nicholas too.

And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof
The prancing and pawing of each little hoof.
As I drew in my head, and was turning around,
Down the chimney St Nicholas came with a bound.

He was dressed all in fur, from his head to his foot,
And his clothes were all tarnished with ashes and soot.
A bundle of Toys he had flung on his back,
And he looked like a peddler, just opening his pack.

His eyes-how they twinkled! his dimples how merry!
His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry!
His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow,
And the beard of his chin was as white as the snow.

The stump of a pipe he held tight in his teeth,
And the smoke it encircled his head like a wreath.
He had a broad face and a little round belly,
That shook when he laughed, like a bowlful of jelly!

He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old elf,
And I laughed when I saw him, in spite of myself!
A wink of his eye and a twist of his head,
Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread.

He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
And filled all the stockings, then turned with a jerk.
And laying his finger aside of his nose,
And giving a nod, up the chimney he rose!

He sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle,
And away they all flew like the down of a thistle.
But I heard him exclaim, ‘ere he drove out of sight,
"Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good-night!"

Up tomorrow, Polish Santa. I promise, you don't want to miss it!

Thursday, December 22, 2011

Christmas 25 Questions

Yes, I need to update about our last OB appointment, and today's appointment. Maybe tomorrow.
For now . . .

1. Wrapping paper or gift bags? I prefer wrapping paper (unless it’s an awkward item) because I know people prefer unwrapping a wrapped gift. But gift bags are SO much easier. So at the very beginning of the season it is all wrapping paper, but when I look at all I have left to wrap and realize Christmas is in a few days, things start going in bags.
2. Real tree or Artificial? Artificial. I love the smell of a real tree, but not the hassle or mess of one. Plus, I am too scared of a fire. Call me Miss Worry-wart
3. When do you put up the tree? If I had it my way, I would put my tree up the day after Halloween. The holiday season goes by so quickly, and half the time I feel like I don’t have time to enjoy it all. But, my husband won’t let it go up until after Thanksgiving.
4. When do you take the tree down? I procrastinate as long as possible. But I do my best to get everything down and put away before I go back to work.
5. Do you like eggnog? Love it! I excitedly tried some eggnog coffee and creamer the other day (it was just okay) and baked some eggnog pound cake. Because, I LOVE eggnog!
6. Favorite gift received as a child? I always got awesome gifts, it’s hard to pick one favorite. Every year was something else awesome. My parents rocked! Some things that really stand out to me are my Strawberry Shortcake dollhouse, my Cabbage Patch Kid, my bicycle, tv, and my stereo
7. Do you have a nativity scene? I do. I have gone through several different ones and finally have a set that I just love! The Nacho also has a Little People Nativity set.
8. Hardest person to buy for? My brother-in-law Will. I am sure he is tired of getting golf balls from me every year.
9. Easiest person to buy for? My mom, my sister, and the Nacho
10. Mail or email Christmas cards? Now that I have started sending cards, I mail them.
11. Worst Christmas gift you ever received? pine cones. spray painted gold. with little bits of grass and leaves in the mix. Granted, that was actually a gift to my husband (who at the time was my new boyfriend) from my grandmother. I guess the worst gift that was given directly to me, was also from Grandmother; plastic and yarn woven place mats. Got a few each year for Christmas and my birthday until I had an entire set.
12. Favorite Christmas Movie? oh gosh, there are so many. I love Charlie Brown Christmas and the Grinch (cartoon, not live action). Also love a Christmas Story and A Wonderful Life. Oh, and Claymation Christmas, Garfield Christmas, and the Peter, Paul, and Mary Christmas special. But I guess, if I had to pick only one, it would be The Bells of St. Mary’s. It just wouldn’t feel like the holidays if I don’t watch it at least once.
13. When do you start shopping for Christmas? I usually pick up a few things here and there all throughout the year, but the official shopping for me starts bright and early on Black Friday.
14. Ever recycled a Christmas present? I have on occasion, but haven’t in quite a while. When we were kids, my mom would take all the junk her students would give her, sort everything out: the total crap to donate, the food, the good stuff she wanted to keep (mostly the homemade crafts) and then everything left went in a big box. The next year, when it was time to get gifts for our teachers, we would go to the box and pick something from there to regift.
15. Favorite thing to eat at Christmas? Chex Mix! It is my main source of nutrition during the holidays. In fact, there is a tin of Chex Mix sitting next to me as we speak.
16. Clear lights or colored on the tree? White lights. 2 strands of solid and 1 strand of flashing
17. Favorite Christmas song? Oh gosh, this is just as hard to answer as the favorite movie question. There are so many. My favorite traditional Christmas song is the Boston Pops version of Sleigh Ride- and it has to be BLARING loud! My favorite “remix” is Straight No Chasers version of The 12 Days of Christmas. And my favorite “new” Christmas song is Glorious by Melissa Ethridge.
18. Least favorite: Santa Baby – ugh! Can’t stand it. why does everything have to become sexualized, geez, even Santa isn't safe. Plus Bruce Springsteen’s version of Santa Claus is Comin’ to Town. The beginning is ok, but the end is like nails on a chalkboard to me, with all his fake laughing in the background. And then any Christmas song sung by the Beach Boys. It just doesn’t sound right to me.
19. Travel at Christmas or stay home? Stay home. It helps that all my family live right here. We do have to travel either right before or right after to go see D’s side of the family. But I want my children to wake up in their beds at their house on Christmas morning.
20. Can you name all of Santa's reindeer? Yep. But I’m not going to do it here, don’t want you to cheat. Now, don’t ask me to name the 7 dwarfs, because I don’t think I can.
21. Angel on the tree top or a star? Star, but I have yet to find one I like. I would really like to try one of the bow tree toppers, but I don’t think I am crafty enough to make it look good.
22. Open the presents Christmas Eve or morning? Christmas morning. Christmas Eve is NOT Christmas. Do you open your birthday presents the day before your birthday? Or do you have everyone bring your shower gifts over so you can open them the day before your baby shower? No, no you don’t.
23. Most annoying thing about this time of year? How PC it has become. It is Christmas. We are celebrating the birth of CHRIST! And how crazed and stressed people get about getting the best gifts and spending the most money, completely forgetting what Christmas is really about.
24. Favorite ornament, theme, or color? My tree is red and silver, my decor mostly falls into a Santa theme, and my favorite tree ornament is a ratty old plastic angel with “real” hair (meaning not painted on) that I have had for years and years; she’s practically bald now. I remember as a kid my dad would have to lift me up on his shoulders to get it high up on the tree (because she had to be flying) and now, I barely have to lift my arm to get her high up.
25. What do you want for Christmas this year? For the Nacho and all my family to have a wonderful, relaxing, blessed, safe holiday. And, an ongoing gift would be for L’s pregnancy to continue to be smooth sailing with one big happy ending in May. Materialistically, I would like my dream diaper bag, and anything we have on the registry for the twins.

Wednesday, December 21, 2011

Prayers for a Friend Please

Yes, I know I never posted an update after our last appointment, and I was planning on doing that today, but then I realized we have another appointment tomorrow, so I will just doing a double update after that.

Instead I would like to ask everyone to say a quick little prayer for a dear friend of mine, let's call her Betty.

Last week Betty had her second IUI procedure. (for those of you going ????, the unscientific explanation is it's the turkey baster procedure. Stimulate her ovaries to produce a few more eggs than normal, when they are ready the doc takes her hubby's contribution and squirts it in.) Betty did her first IUI a month (or so) ago, and it was unsuccessful. So I am just praying and praying and praying that this time works.

I can't say I understand what Betty's infertility struggles have been like. I have no idea. From an infertile standpoint, I was lucky. We knew what was wrong with me; no baby oven. I didn't have to go through months of unsuccessful trying before moving on to IVF and a surrogate. I have no idea what it is like to get a negative pregnancy test month after month for several years. I can't even imagine the heartache. My journey has been completely different.

But I do think I understand some of the emotions, some of the fears she is going through. I know what its like to not be able to have a glass of wine and a little fun with my husband and end up pregnant. I know what it is like to hope and pray for something, never wanting to give up. I know how exhausting it is to keep going. I know what its like to think you couldn't possibly have any more tears left to cry. I know how scary it is. I know the fear of thinking it will never happen. I know what it is like to look at my beautiful, perfect child and ache to give him/her a sibling, a partner in crime. I know how painful it is to look at a new mom and her new baby. Or how difficult it is to hear the news that someone else is pregnant, especially when that someone is a teenager, has 8 bazillion kids they already can't afford, didn't want kids in the first place, etc... I can't totally relate with her on all of that, and more.

But I also know what it's like to see that positive pregnancy test. To see the baby on an ultrasound, to hear the heartbeat. I know how much sweeter it is going to be for her.

Betty already has one child, and she is an AMAZING mother; her husband is an amazing father. I can't think of 2 more deserving people. And I know their first child is going to be an amazing sibling. So please send up a prayer for them.

And Betty, you have been one of my biggest cheerleaders through all of this. You have prayed for me, offered me words of encouragement, have let me release all my worries onto you, and have just been there for me. I want you to know that I am now standing on your sideline with my pom poms, cheering you on!

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Thursday, November 24, 2011

The babies are . . .

Because we are pregnant with identicals we have an ultrasound every 2 weeks in order to watch for TTTS. At our NT scan on the 10th the peri made a guess about gender. Then, at our next appointment on Tuesday the doctor confirmed the gender. In fact he said there is no question about it we are having identical twin . . .


I am so excited and couldn't be happier. I'm a little nervous because I don't know how to be a boy mom, but I'll figure it out. I am just so excited because after the Nacho I thought I would never have another child and now I am going to have "one" of each! My cup runneth over.

Wednesday, November 23, 2011

Common Questions

The first thing people usually ask after they find out we are pregnant is “are you hoping for a girl or a boy?” (And, for those still confused, both babies will be the same gender. The term identical does not just refer to the face, but to everything.) My answer to the question is always an I truly, and honestly could not pick. Both genders have their own pros and cons.

Girl Pros:
I already have a girl. I know what it’s like to be a girl mom. Being a girl mom is awesome! I love the bows, and the tutus, and the frills, and the princess, and all that comes along with little girls. We also have a ton of girl stuff, so shopping/preparing would be a lot easier. And I could just picture my dream girl nursery - it would be beautiful. We also have girl names picked out and I love them so much. If these babies are not girls we will be getting 2 cats and naming then with our girl names. I also look at my sister and the relationship we have, and I want that for the Nacho. I want her to have a sister (well, sisters) to grow up with.
Girl Cons:
I worry that because the babies are identical twins, they will always have that extra “special” about them. I don’t want the Nacho to feel like she is not as special as her siblings. I feel like if the babies are boys, then she will be the only girl and will have her own “special” about her. I just don’t want her to feel like an outcast, and think it will be less if the babies are boys.

Boy Pros:
I already have a girl. I already know what it is like to be a girl mom. I already know what it looks like when we make a girl. What would it be like to have a boy? Plus, the girl I already have is pretty freaking awesome, there is no way any other girl could ever compete with that. Having a boy gives us “one” of each, what could be more perfect than that?
Boy Cons:
I know nothing about being a boy mom. And you can’t put a bow in a boys hair. And boy clothes are not nearly as cute as girl clothes – everything is covered in trains, sports, and puppies. I don’t have the best impression of a brother/sister relationship (sorry J, but you know its true.) I want the Nacho to have siblings that she is close to, that she can count on, that will be her partner(s) in crime for the rest of her life. Will she get that with brothers?
So either way I win. I just couldn’t choose, which is why I am glad its not up to me. God knows what he is doing, and He knows what’s best for me and my family, and I trust Him. I know whatever they are, its going to be AWESOME!

The second most frequently asked question I get is “how do you feel/does it bother you/what’s it like/etc?” And that’s a tricky question for me to answer, and I don’t know if it will make much sense, but I will try.
How do I feel about L being the one pregnant? I feel excited, happy, ecstatic, thrilled, grateful, and blessed. It does not bother me AT ALL that I am not the one that is pregnant with the twins. I don’t care how they get here, whether I carried them, L carried them, or the freaking stork dropped them at my doorstep. I just want my babies. What I care about is that we are having babies, and that everyone involved is happy and healthy. L was the person and was meant to do this job, she was the one that is supposed to be carrying these babies. We had a handful of other potential surrogates that fell through for one reason or another before we found L, and now I understand why. She was meant to do this and no one else.

I do still have a hard time accepting the fact that I will never be pregnant again. I loved being pregnant with the Nacho. Yes, I was uncomfortable and anxious to meet her near the end of the pregnancy, but I enjoyed being pregnant. It kills me to know that I will never be able to nurture another life, that I will never feel another baby move and kick inside me. I still get a little jealous to see a hugely pregnant woman. I know I have said it before, I just hope that once my family is complete that it no longer matters to me that I can’t get pregnant.

People also keep asking if I am going to stay home now, or if I will continue to work. Right now we are planning on me continuing to work. I think I am a better mom because I work. I know by the end of the summer I am dying to get back to work and get a break from the Nacho. I don’t think I am able to stimulate her as well as Primrose does. I can’t think up all the cute activities that day care does. Plus, she loves her friends and her teachers and going to school. She would miss it if we pulled her out. But if I stopped working, there is no way we could afford to keep her at Primrose. The plan is to have a nanny watch the twins and then have the Nacho at day care 3 days a week and at home with the nanny and twins 2 days a week. I am also going to apply and see if the Nacho gets accepted into the PPCD inclusion program with my district. If she does, then she will be in school 5 days a week and it is WAAAAAY more affordable than Primrose (about half the cost). So unless we just can’t find a nanny (live in or live out, doesn’t matter to us), I will continue to work. And if you know of anyone that would be a great nanny, send them my way.

Thursday, October 20, 2011

10 Week Appointment

We had our first appointment with the OB after being released from the RE and we got another look at the babies. It was a great appointment! They actually look like babies now instead of blobs. And they look great; both are measuring 10 weeks 4 days with HRs of 174 and 179. One baby was waving and the other was just a dancing away. It was so cute! I could have sat there and watched all day long. The Nacho was always very calm in utero. She liked to stretch a lot but was not a mover and a shaker. So seeing the babies today wiggling away was awesome, I loved it! It seriously was the best day ever. Best! Day! Ever!

Daddy was not there, so I texted him the stats and a picture. I told him one was waving and one was dancing and he pointed out that one was him and the other was me, and it is so true! Dave is the waver of the family. He waves at EVERYTHING, dogs, cats, babies, people, statues, the tv, I mean everything. I always make fun of him for it. And I am, of course, the dancer. I dance in the car, I dance when I am eating yummy food (The Nacho does this too!), I dance when I am happy, I am just a goofy dancer. So it is already pretty obvious these babies are ours!

We met the doctor and his staff and I really liked everyone. The best part of the day came when the nurse said L and I were a perfect match, that we compliment each other well. I took that as a huge compliment! I did talk to the doctor about our history of eventful labor and deliveries. I didn't express myself very well though, got a little tongue tied, but he got the gist of it. I just hope he took me seriously. At the next appointment I might ask him to call and chat with Dr. Jordan, so he can get the full (and clear) history from him. The nurse said since it is twins, they will be looking closely at the cords and placentas with each ultrasound, so that makes me feel better. I will definitely request a color doppler ultrasound when we see the perinatologist for our anatomy scan in a few weeks.

Everything with L looked good too. She has been having some migraines, but the doctor didn't seem concerned, so that helped me relax a little. She said she thought she might be feeling some movement, but wasn't sure since it is still so early. I can't wait until I can feel it from the outside.

Our next appointment is on the 10th for the NT scan. I am hoping we might get a guess at the gender, but I am not going to hold my breath. Its funny because with the Nacho we were Team Green, and I wanted to not find out this time around either, but since its twins it makes more sense to find out. So since I know we are finding out I am so stinking impatient about it. I want to know NOW! But I might find out and then keep it a secret from everyone. That would be fun!




Saturday, October 15, 2011

Sick Little Nacho

So the Nacho has been feeling under the weather for the last 2 weeks. It started 2 Mondays ago during dinner. She just started melting down, wouldn't eat anything (not even ice cream) only wanted to sit in my lap with her head on my chest. She would grab her tummy and whine that it hurt. It was a rough night. She screamed all the way home, screamed all though her bath, and slept very restlessly. She hadn't pooped all day, so we figured she was just backed up. Woke up the next morning in a good mood. I have her some pepto and sent her to school.

On Wednesday my parents watched the Nacho for the night. When I talked to mom the next day she said the Nacho was a little cranky, a little touchy, but that they had a good night.

On Thursday I met my parents for dinner since Dave had a late meeting that night. We went to Bass Pro because its pretty fun, full of things to do and see. But as soon as we got there the Nacho was whining and crying. She didn't want to look the the fish, or the turtles. She didn't even have any kind of reaction when she saw Papa (HIGHLY unusual!) During dinner she hardly ate anything and was just a fussy mess. She climbed in my lap, put her head on my chest, and was pretty much dead weight for the rest of the night. When I put her in the car to go home, she cried for her blanket, so I put it in her lap, and it was covering her arms. She sat like that for the entire drive home. I got home, got her out of the car and into bed and she hardly moved a muscle. During dinner she had started feeling a little warm, so when I got home I took her temp and it was 101. She woke up a few times during the night, and I gave her Tylenol around midnight. Dave was planning on taking the morning off to stay home with her the next day, and Grammy was going to cover the afternoon shift.

Friday morning she woke up and was her usual happy self. We debated it and decided to send her to school. When I dropped her off I told them she had been acting funny the night before and to call me if they thought she wasn't feeling well. I was going to call during my lunch break to check on her, but decided no news was good news. When I got there to pick her up that afternoon I felt like the worst mom in the world. She was just leaning against the wall, limp as a rag doll, and started crying as soon as she saw me. I picked her up and she was burning up. I got her home, gave her some Tylenol, and she was immediately asleep. We alternated Tylenol and Motrin all night. She had her last dose of Tylenol at 7, and then never had any more for the rest of the day because her fever never came back.

And that's how the rest of the weekend and all of this week went. One Tuesday day care said she did not go potty all day, thankfully she made up for it when she got home. And other than that all week at day care, and at home, was full of potty accidents.

Beyond the sporadic fever she never had any physical signs of being sick, but she was just really touchy and whiny all the time. And if you know the Nacho, you know how out of character that is for her. Back BT (before tubes)when she was getting fever after fever after fever from all the ear infections, you could hardly tell she was sick, the fever was really the only sign. on Wednesday I had enough. Day care said she still wasn't acting like herself, so I made an appointment with Dr. Hubbard. I needed some peace of mind, because at this point my imagination is running wild (overreaction #1: lukemia, overreaction #2: we are the next episode of mystery diagnosis.)
On Wednesday she was really pouty and sad to be dropped at school. I asked Dave to call and check on her in an hour or so, thinking they would say she perked right up and was having a good day. But instead they said she was just not happy and very clingy. Grammy planned on taking off after lunch to go get her and take her home. But she called first, and by that point the Nacho "had eaten all of her snack and was excited to go outside to play." So we decided to keep her at school. When I got there to pick her up, she was clingy and whiny again, and felt warm. Got home and she had a temp of 100, and by the time I got her in bed it was up to 101.8. But Tylenol brought it down, and it never came back again.

On Thursday day care said she was almost her normal, happy go lucky self. But she was still extra touchy and wasn't as eager to participate. So I was thankful we had the appointment for the next day. We got home though, and she was her regular, normal, happy self.

Friday (appointment day) day care said the old Nacho was back. She had a great day, was in a great mood, our girl was back. But I decided to go ahead and go to her appointment. I wanted the doc to look at her ears and her throat, just to double check and make sure all was ok.

You know how your computer starts to act up, so you call the IT guy to come look at it, and when he gets there the computer is working perfectly? Yeah, that's what happened to us at the doctor's office.

The Nacho was ON! She was putting on a show and the audience loved it. She even pottied on command in a cup. Dr. Hubbard was so impressed! Her ears looked great (tubes have fallen out and the ear drums look good), throat looks great, didn't feel anything in her lymph nodes, urine was nice and clear, the child was perfect. Didn't act sick at all! So it was pretty much a silly and wasted appointment, but oh well. It was nice to go and have people fawn over your adorable child.

The Nacho has been herself all day today, and hopefully it continues. Dr. Hubbard said it was probably just a random virus that kept hanging on. If the fever comes back and lasts for a few days we are to go back in, but hopefully that won't happen. Hopefully the next time we see Dr. Hubbard is when we bring the new babies in for their first appointment!

(And no, I am not going back and rereading this to fix errors. Deal with it!)

Wednesday, October 5, 2011

2nd Ultrasound

By the time our appointment this afternoon rolled around I was a nervous wreck. I have chewed my nails down to nubs! I just don't handle nerves well. Thankfully my life is usually pretty vanilla.

When Ruth started the ultrasound today I immediately saw one sac and it looked bigger, but I didn't see anything in it. Luckily, before I had a chance to freak out she moved the probe a little and then I saw one baby and a pretty little heartbeat. Whew!!!! But then I start getting nervous and wanted to know what was going on the other 2. Ruth moves the probe again and we see the second baby in that sac, also with a nice, pretty heartbeat. Both babies were measuring the exact same at 8 weeks 1 day (which is spot on) and they both had a heart rate of 174 bpm.

Unfortunately, Charlie is gone. I guess you would say the sac was smaller, or maybe the same size as last week. But the other sac was pressing on it, so it looked more like a banana, instead of nice and round like it was supposed to. Ruth said the other sac will continue to press on it and flatten it out and it will pretty much just reabsorb.

Am I sad that we have lost Charlie? Yes. Am I devastated and heartbroken? No. I was expecting this. I knew there was a really, really good chance Charlie wasn't going to make it. I know this was the best thing, it was what needed to happen. I also know that one day, once I leave this earth, I will meet my Charlie. I will give him/her a big hug and then we will get to spend eternity together. So I have that to look forward to. Plus, Baby A and Baby B now have their very own guardian angel.

Speaking of Baby A and Baby B, here they are.



Monday, October 3, 2011


I keep thinking back on everything that happened last Tuesday and I really wish I could convey all my emotions into a blog post. I have tried several times, and deleted them all, because they just didn't do it justice. What I really wish I could do it take that day, and capture it in a bottle. Yes, the day had its share of downs, but it also had a lot of ups, and I left that appointment on cloud nine. I keep thinking back on it and still feel that same high. I am sure it will wear off at some point though, and I don't want it too. Its not every day that you find out your IVF worked, and that you are expecting identical twins and possibly even triplets. IDENTICAL FREAKING TWINS!!!! That phrase has been running through my head on repeat pretty much non stop since that appointment. I will frequently pull out the ultrasound picture and just stare at it in disbelief.

Speaking of triplets, when we first found out there were 2 sacs and 3 babies my first emotion was relief when Dr. C said he didn't see a heartbeat in Baby C(who, BTW, I have names Charlie.)At the time I was a little overwhelmed with the thought of twins. (mostly surviving a twin pregnancy and then the financial aspect of 2 more babies.) The thought of triplets scared the snot out of me. At first I said I was just going to leave it in God's hands, since he knows what's best. But I have found myself over the last few days starting to pray for Charlie. It just slips in there without me even thinking about it. The thought of surviving a triplet pregnancy still scares the snot out of me. Plus, that is a LOT to ask of L and her body, I'm pretty sure that is not what she bargained for when she agreed to do this. But yet I still find myself with the urge to pray for Charlie, I can't help it. I can't stand the thought of losing any of my babies. I know the chances are pretty slim, and that most likely Charlie will be gone. And I know that will be for the best, but I will still be immensely sad.

And, in typical me fashion, my imagination has started to run wild. I have created several different scenarios that I have decided will play out at our u/s on Wednesday.

Scenario #1: Baby A and Baby B still look good, and so does Charlie. Charlie is doing so well in fact that s/he also decided to split and there are now 4.

Scenario #2: We have lost all 3.

Scenario #3: We find out the identicals are conjoined. (Yes, I know it is way too early to determine this. Its my crazy imagination, I can't control it I tell ya!)

And, because I know you are dying to see my beautiful babies, here they are!

Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Emotional Roller Coster

So here are the events of today.

L texts me around 2:40 asking me if I could call her. I responded and said I could in 20 minutes once school was out and should I be panicking. She said she didn’t know, was on her way to up to Dr. C’s to get checked out. So I go next door and ask my teammate to keep an eye on my kids and run outside and call L. She explained that she had some pink spotting yesterday but that it turned to red bleeding this afternoon. And rather than worry and stress until tomorrow’s scheduled appointment she was told to come on in and be seen. Thankfully I have the best teammates on the planet who stepped up and took care of my kids so I could rush to the appointment. I get there and a few moments later Dr. C comes in and we talked for a second, he said he wasn’t too concerned, but that we would just take a peek. As soon as he starts the ultrasound we see 2 sacs. L immediately says, “there’s 2!” But I couldn’t see any heart beats yet. Dr. C starts with the smaller sac, and for a second I thought I saw a HB, but wasn’t sure. He then decided to move to the bigger fact and get its measurements first. And then he says, “Well I’ll be!” and L responds with, “there’s 2!” So now, in my minds I am thinking, Two! But there are two sacs, so if there are also 2 in this one, that means THREE! Holy *@#%!
So now we know there are three babies, but don’t know anything about heartbeats. When he finds the first heartbeat, that’s when I pretty much lose it. And my poor mom, when I called she rushed out of her meeting to join me (Dave was out at the lake and couldn’t get back in time.)and she had walked into the u/s room right after I started bawling. So she walks in thinking we just found out bad news. Apparently Dr. C informed her they were good tears. Then the room gets a bit chaotic, lots of laughing, crying, questions, etc. Dr. C and his assistant were probably pretty annoyed with us, but oh well! Its not every day you go from thinking you have lost your baby to finding out there are three in there!

The set of identicals look great. We are currently at 7 weeks gestation exactly and Baby A is measuring 7 weeks 3 days with a HR of 129 and Baby B is measuring 7 weeks 2 days with a HR of 125. Baby C (the fraternal triplet, the one in its own sac) isn’t looking as good. That baby was measuring 6 weeks 2 days and we couldn’t tell if there was a heartbeat. At first Dr. C thought there was one, then he didn’t, then he did, then he thought it was just L’s internal pulse. He thinks the bleeding is from Baby C miscarrying. And that it shouldn’t affect the other babies at all.
This is where I have a mix of emotions. As a parent, you don’t want to lose any of your babies. But at the same time, it would be a relief to only have a set of twins and not triplets. The financial end of having 2 babies (and 1 toddler) is stressful enough, having 3 would be that much more. I am just going to leave it completely in God’s hands, and it will be what it will be.

We go in for a repeat ultrasound next Wednesday, and by then we should know what is happening with Baby C.

Today I have gone from being super low, expecting to hear the worst, then shooting up to a super emotional high, then up, then down. Man, I am exhausted!!

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

Happy Birthday to Our Miracle

I can't believe my nephew is one year old! I was thinking back on the day of his birth, and all the fear we had during that time. And now, here we are celebrating his first year of life. We witnessed a miracle the day he was born, and I am so honored to be part of his life. There are times when I look at him and this fear washes over me when I realize how close we came to losing him. I try not to think about it, but sometimes it just hits me. So whenever I see him (which is not nearly enough, *cough, cough*) I just want to hold him, and squeeze him, and kiss him, and tell him how much I love him. I love that kid as much as I love my own!

For his birthday, I turned many of the pictures I had of him, and turned it into a slide show for my sister. I have always said I was going to do that for the Nacho each year, but never have. But this past year with my nephew was too important to pass up.

Untitled from Janelle Opon on Vimeo.

Monday, September 12, 2011

My Video

I made a little video that I wanted to share with everyone. I guess you could call it my "Thanks for being one of our prayer warriors" video. It is only about 40 seconds, so it won't take too much of your time. But I think you will enjoy it, I know I have watched it several times and still haven't gotten tired of it. Let me know what you think!

Saturday, August 27, 2011


Ok, so before I start I have to say that I am going to try and make this post make sense. I am sure it will come out as a big garbled mess. I think it's hard when you are trying to explain feelings. But, I am going to do my best.

A few years ago, heck, a month ago, I would have told you I was a believer, a woman that had a strong faith. I would tell you that I believe in the power of prayer, that God is in control, that I have faith. Yes sir I do!

And when Reid was born, my faith never wavered. I remember thinking that the only thing that was going to save him was prayer. And boy that prayer chain moved speedy quick! When he was still alive 24 hours later I knew he was going to make it, we just weren't sure what the damage was going to be. And then he had is repeat MRI and EEG (If you remember, in the very first post I made on his Carepage, I said "Reid's EEG showed very little brain activity" and "He certainly has brain damage but the extent is unclear and it does not look good.") and they both came back normal. It was then that I knew he was going to be perfectly fine. He wasn't going to have any side effects, no delays, no handicaps, nothing. I think I started saying that almost from the very beginning. I knew it, I had faith.

But now I am being tested again, and I am failing. Every time I found a surrogate, and then it fell through, I crumbled and I doubted. Then I didn't respond to the medicine, and I crumbled and I doubted. Then I was told I only had 3 mature follicles, and I crumbled and I doubted. Things were not going right for me and I thought he wasn't listening or didn't care, or was punishing me. I was too consumed with myself that I couldn't or didn't listen to what He was telling me. He was telling me to stop worrying, that he had a plan for me, that it was all going to work out. Why couldn't I listen?!?!? It was only when things started going well that I could finally hear Him. But why did it take me so long?

I do realize that this may not end the way I want it too, but it will end the way it is supposed to. I just hope my faith remains strong. That I know longer doubt.

As I was driving to work on Friday it all hit me and I got overwhelmed by the amount of His love for me. I don't understand it, I don't get it. Why me? What have I done? I don't deserve it. I doubted, and yet He continued to love me.

2 years ago, when I was in surgery for hours with a doctor trying to save my life, He was there with me. When Reid was in the NICU fighting for his life, He was right there with him, cradling him in His arms. When I went back for my retrieval, he was right there with me, telling me He had everything under control. As I was sitting on my couch, literally sick to my stomach as I waited to hear if any eggs fertilized, He was sitting right next to me, whispering in my ear that it was going to be ok. As my little embies have been sitting in their fancy petri dish, he has been sitting with them. And I know he will be with us tomorrow as we have our transfer, again telling us He has it all taken care of. Its pretty freaking amazing if you think about it. What an amazing love! For someone so small and insignificant as me. WOW!

I want to leave you with 2 songs that have really resonated with me lately. I actually have several I want to share, but I am going to start with these 2 for now.

First, the song Strong Enough by Matthew West (Love me some MW!)  I may not be strong enough to endure everything alone, but with Him, I am!

You must, You must think I’m strong
To give me what I’m going through
Well forgive me, forgive me if I’m wrong
But this looks like more than I can do
On my own

I know I’m not strong enough to be
Everything that I’m supposed to be
I give up, I’m not strong enough
Hands of mercy won’t You cover me?
Lord, right now I’m asking You to be
Strong enough, strong enough
For the both of us

Well maybe, maybe that’s the point
To reach the point of giving up
‘Cause when I’m finally, finally at rock bottom
Well that’s when I start looking up
And reaching out

I know I’m not strong enough to be
Everything that I’m supposed to be
I give up, I’m not strong enough
Hands of mercy won’t You cover me?
Lord, right now I’m asking You to be
Strong enough, strong enough
For the both of us

‘Cause I’m broken
Down to nothing
But I’m still holding on to the one thing
You are God
And You are strong when I am weak
I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength
And I don’t have to be strong enough
I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength
And I don’t have to be
Strong enough, strong enough
Oh yeah

I know I’m not strong enough to be
Everything that I’m supposed to be
I give up, I’m not strong enough
Hands of mercy won’t You cover me?
Lord, right now I’m asking You to be
Strong enough, strong enough
For the both of us

And my favorite song of the moment, Greatly to Be Praised by Fee. I needed to be reminded of this; no matter what is happening in you life, good or bad, He should be praised.

Lift your eyes, lift your eyes to the One
Who’s reigning over us, for He has overcome
Fill the skies, fill the skies with a song
As heaven sings along, to glorify the Son

Who is like You, none compare
There’s no one like our God

Great and greatly to be praised
Name above all other names
Powerful and strong to save
Hallelujah, our God reigns
Our God reigns

Glory in the highest place
King of mercy, God of grace
Together let the earth proclaim
Hallelujah, our God reigns
Our God reigns

Tell the world, tell the world of the love
He’s lavished over us, His daughters and His sons
Made alive, made alive, now we’re free
Rescued and redeemed, the victory is won

We lift our eyes up, behold the Son
Lift our voices, and sing as one
Hallelujah, our God reigns

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

We Have Fertilized Eggs!

On Sunday I said God was telling us that my eggs were fabulous (hello, look at Mackinley, she's pretty freaking awesome!) so why waste a whole bunch of them when we only need a few. And now I am starting to think I am onto something there! Because all three of my eggs fertilized! I can hardly believe it!I was so preparing myself for bad news, and I am sitting here a little numb and in shock now. 

I know we still have several other hurdles to clear. The eggs could not grow, or start growing and then stop. Or we could implant but not end up with a pregnancy. Or we could get pregnant and then miscarry. There are still so many things that could happen, I know that. But for right now, I am going to be happy! No, I am going to be ecstatic! I am relieved and calm for the first time in over a week, and I am going to enjoy it. My mom always says don't borrow trouble. So I'm going to be a good girl and listen to my mommy. Things may go wrong, and I will be upset, but why be upset for longer than necessary.

For the details: Today is considered day one, and w will not hear from the clinic tomorrow (day 2.) We are tentatively scheduled for a day 3 transfer on Friday. But, if Friday morning the eggs are still looking good and growing vigorously, then we will wait and transfer on Sunday (day 5.) The embryologist will call us as early as she possibly can on Friday to let us know if we are going to postpone. So we are going to go ahead and plan for Friday, but know that it might get pushed to Sunday at the last second.

From what I understand, after consulting Dr. Google, a day 5 transfer is better. But if the eggs aren't growing as well as they would like, then we will transfer on day 3 in hopes that putting them in a more natural like environment will help them thrive. I am just trusting Dr. C to do what will give us the best chances possible. We are going to him because he is considered one of the best, so I am going to trust him.

Now grow babies, grow!!!

Tuesday, August 23, 2011

Retrieval Day

Today was our retrieval day. I was not too optimistic going in, but decided to just hope for the best. On Sunday, after my disappointing phone call with Dr. C my mom gave me her Believe in Miracles cross. I have slept with the cross under my pillow the last few nights, and took it with me today. It's been my little sidekick.

We got to the clinic at 7 this morning and signed a few papers. They then took us back to my room where I got to put on my fancy butt revealing gown, blue socks, and hair net. They then took my vitals, (and got my BMI, which looked good!) started my IV, and gave me a dose of antibiotics. The nurse we very nice, and we talked a lot. I asked her if she had ever had anyone come out with zero egg retrieved, and she said no, and we were not going to be her first. She then told us a story of a woman who only got one egg, it fertilized, she came back a few days later for transfer, got a positive pregnancy test 2 weeks after that, and then found out at her first ultrasound that the 1 egg had split and she was pregnant with twins. She also asked us our daughters name, and that led to a discussion of baby names. She said her favorite name has always been Vivianne, but none of her kids would name a grandkid that. I told her if we got some eggs, we would name an egg Vivianne.

After that we just waited. I watched a little I Love Lucy (the episode where they are on a cruise and Lucy gets herself stuck in a porthole.) The anesthesiologist, Ruth, and Dr. C all popped their head in my room and said hello. Then a few minutes after 8 we went back. We got in the room, I got up on the table and got a nice warm blanket. I remember the anesthesiologist putting something in my IV and telling me I was going to start feeling sleepy, and I remember talking to him about A&M going to the SEC, and then I remember waking back up in my room. Dave told me we got 3 EGGS! I was too tired to be excited though. And I don't know how many times he had to tell me before I remembered. I apparently asked him 4 times if he had called my mom and texted L before I was able to remember the answer.

I had to eat, drink, and pee before I could go home. And the surprising thing is it was the bathroom part I had the most trouble with. If you know me, you know I have to go every other second, but this morning I just didn't need to. Probably because I hadn't had anything to eat or drink since dinner the night before. They gave me some crackers and apple juice, and it made me feel nauseous. So I took a little nap, and switched from juice to water, which helped. Finally, maybe an hour later, I finally needed to go, and after that we were on our way home. I was still a little woozy and unsteady on my feet, but my wonderful husband helped me to the car, and into the house, and I have pretty much been on the couch ever since.

I did have the best lunch ever of Panera Bread (chicken frontego panini and a cup of creamy chicken and wild rice soup. YUM!) and have taken several naps, and am feeling almost like my old self again.

We got a call from the clinic later this afternoon and they said D's Herculean little men defrosted well and look great, so they are going to try fertilizing the old fashioned way of just putting them in the petri dish with Vivianne 1, Vivianne 2, and Vivianne 3, play a little Marvin Gaye, and hope for the best. (Or, as my sister said, we put them in the petri dish and let them do the nasty.) Had "the boys" not looked as good, we would have done ICSI, where the embryologist injects a sperm directly into the egg. But Dr. C didn't think we needed that, and I hope he is right.

So now we just sit and wait for V1, V2, ad V3 to do their thing. The embryologist will call in 2 days and let us know if any eggs fertilized, and then they will call every other day to let us know how they are growing. I am trying not to stress about it, and just trying to trust that at least one will fertilize and grow. When we first started this process I was prepared for it to take 2 tries to be successful. Of course, I didn't think it would be at this point that it was going to fail. I figured we would get all the way to transfer and it not result in a pregnancy.  But still, I was prepared for 2 times. But I really, really, really don't want it to actually take two times. And this is my only shot at doing this with my eggs. If this doesn't work we will move to donor eggs, since I apparently don't produce enough. I think it would be too big of a risk to try again with me. And I thought finding the surrogate was going to be the hard part. Boy was I wrong!

So let the waiting game begin!

Sunday, August 21, 2011

And the Roller Coaster Continues

I woke up this morning feeling very positive and upbeat. I wasn't worried at all about today's appointment, I figured it was going to be pretty routine. Boy was I wrong! My appointment started out great. I went in and had more blood taken, and then the ultrasound. As soon as she started the u/s she immediately exclaimed "look how much bigger they have gotten." Music to my ears! When she was finished she said that based on my ultrasound she figured Dr. C would have me take my trigger shot either tonight or tomorrow night, and that they would call as soon as they had my blood results and Dr. C has seen the u/s pictures.

I left the doctor's office and decided I was going to take advantage of tax free weekend and stop and pick up a few extra school supplies for my classroom, then meet my parents for some lunch, before heading back to their house. (I stayed with my parents this weekend while D was in Oklahoma.) But, every single store I wanted to go to didn't open until 11, and it was only 10:30. So I just kind of drove aimlessly, trying to kill some time, and I ended up in front of The Children's Place at about 5 til. So I decided to start there as soon as the opened. My problem was, all the clothes are for fall and winter, and I just could not get into the cool weather mindset while it is 800 billion degrees outside. I think today was the first time I have ever walked out of The Children's Place without buying a single thing.

After that I went over to Staples, because they were finally open, and had my basket loaded up with lots of goodies and was standing in line to pay when my phone rings and its Dr. C. At first I froze and didn't want to answer, but I also didn't want to have to call back, so I suck it up and answer the phone. And lo and behold it is Dr. C himself, and not a nurse. He started with, "Well things are looking disappointing. You only have 7 follicles and only 2 of them look mature. There is one more that is close to mature, but I don't expect it to do anything." As soon as he said that, I couldn't get of the store fast enough. He then went on to say that with any other woman he would have canceled this cycle, but that he doesn't think I would do any better next time, that this is just the best my body is going to do. Basically he gave us the choice to continue and trigger tonight, retrieve on Tuesday, and hope for the best, or cancel and be done. So we have chosen to continue, because I am not ready to give up yet. It only hake one, and if he thinks there are 2, then I have more than I need. Right???? I keep telling myself that over and over, in hopes that I start to believe it, but it is hard to stay optimistic right now. I am feeling so defeated and like I am letting everyone down. A very dear friend of mine (that is also suffering from infertility) said to me "I never thought in a million years having a baby would be so hard." And my response is NO FREAKING KIDDING!  High school kids do it all the time. How come happily married, stable people have so much trouble. What am I doing wrong? Why doesn't my body want to work the way it is supposed to? Would I have had this much trouble getting pregnant with baby #2 if I still had my uterus and nothing had ever happened? I just don't understand. I am trying to have faith, but I am tired of being tested. Hasn't my family been tested enough? When do we get a break? I am just so tired.

It only takes one, it only takes one, it only take one. . .

Friday, August 19, 2011

Ultrasound Day!

So the morning started with a blood draw and then an ultrasound. During the ultrsound the tech said she saw 7 follicles; 3 on the left (my weak ovary) and 4 on the right. She also said that on average women at this point have 8-12, so I am only 1 away from average! She also said, since I don't have a uterus, she would have been surprised if I came in with lots and lots of follicles. That's the second time I have heard about the lack of uterus making things difficult. Again, wish I had known this beforehand. I felt like I was able to take a big sigh of relief as soon as we were able to see a follicle in there. But we still had to wait for the blood results this afternoon. I was checking my phone all day like a crazy person until the office finally called. I talked to a different nurse from my regular doom and gloom nurse, and she sounded so much more optimistic than Ruth. She said my E2 was up to 352, more than double. She also said my largest follicle was at 15, and my smallest as 9 1/2. She said at this point I shouldn't be forming any new follicles, just watching these to seem them grow. Once it seems like we are as mature as they are going to get, we will take my trigger shot, and then do the retrieval 36 hours later. Again, she seemed very positive about how things look. I have another appointment scheduled for Sunday morning, and from there I will go in daily until retrieval. Which means I will miss the first hour of the first day of school. Oh well, it's just a few hours out of a 178 day school year, I think the kids will survive.

I immediately went home and consulted Dr. Google and found out that a follicle is considered mature when it is 18 mm, and a mature follicle releases about 100-150 units of estrogen. Also I read that the HCG trigger shot I will take 36 hours before retrieval will give the follicles what they need for one last growth spurt, so they will be at their max come retrieval time. But there is no guarantee that a follicle contains an egg, we just cross our fingers and hope that they do.

Wednesday, August 17, 2011

Wednesday's Blood Results

My E2 level has gone up to 149. Not great, but not dismal either. And the nurse said the really telling appointment will be on Friday when I have more blood work and an ultrsound.

My appointment today was at 8 this morning, and L had an appointment later in the day to check her lining. When she was there the u/s tech told her that a lot of women without a uterus don't respond to the meds. I wish someone had mentioned that to ME! Do I think knowing that would have altered our plans any, no. But it would have altered my mental state a little.

So now we just wait for Friday, and see what the ultrasound shows. Praying for lots of nice, fat follicles!

Monday, August 15, 2011

Not a Good Appointment Today

I'm just going to copy and paste the email I sent to L, because I really don't feel like talking about it, and thinking about it anymore.

"I started my stims on Saturday, and had my first blood draw this morning. Ruth called with my results this afternoon, while I was in a meeting, so she left a voicemail saying my estradiol level for today was 77. She then said she wanted to confirm the doses of medications I was on (2 vials of Menopur  in the morning, 300 of Follistim, and 5 of Lupron in the evening, which is correct and what I have been doing.) The way she asked it has me worried that 77 is not a good number, and that it should be higher.
I called back as soon as I could and talked to her and according to her, 77 is low. I should be around 100-150 by today. And she is so blunt about everything, so she didn't break it to me easy, just flat out said, that's low. Ouch!
But then I thought of something that made me feel better. I have a weak left ovary. Dr. C has said that numerous times. I started to wonder if that has something to do with my low numbers. (That and the fact the Ruth said try to stay calm, don't get stressed. Well, its the week before school starts - one of the most stressful times ever! So I just have to keep calm and get that ovary doing some sit ups!) So that made me feel a little better until I talked to Gayla. Gayla said weak ovary or not, they still expect you to be at a certain level. Not exactly what I wanted to hear. But she did also say that although 77 is low, its not terrible.

So now I am just crossing my fingers that I am just a slow starter, and that its not that my body just isn't going to respond. Ruth said Friday will be the telling day because I will have more bloodwork and an ultrasound. So I just have to keep calm and optimistic until then."

Not exactly the result I was hoping for today, but I am trying to stay optimistic. I know its not over yet. Even if this cycle doesn't work, that doesn't mean we are out. It just means we try a different drug protocol and give it another shot. And then, if that doesn't work, we move to donor eggs. And then, if that doesn't work, I crawl in a hole and never come out again. So this has to work. It just has to!

Thursday, August 11, 2011

The Next Step

Ok, so for the past few weeks I have been taking 10 units of Lupron in order to suppress my ovaries. I go in every few days to check my Estradiol (E2) levels, and do an ultrasound on my ovaries, to make sure the Lupron is doing its job. And so far so good. Everytime we do an u/s, they find my right ovary right away and it always looks great. They always have a harder time finding my left ovary, because it is a little smaller. As Dr. C has said, it is a weak ovary. According to Dr. C that just means we won't get quite as many eggs from that side. So fingers crossed I can make enough to move forward.

That has always been a fear hanging out in the back of my mind about my ovaries. I remember after everything happened and my OB was talking to me about breastfeeding. He told me not to stress out if my milk never came in because my body was trying to compensate for all the blood loss. He said that the body protects the major organs by depriving less important organs of blood so that the major organs will have enough. So what if, because of all the blood loss, something happened to my ovaries? I'm trying not to think about that and hopefully it is a bridge we won't ever have to cross.

So on Saturday I will start my stims. I will be taking 150 for Menopur in the morning and then 300 of Follistim and 5 of Lupron in the evening. All my shots will got in my belly, since its nice and fatty. I am about to become a human pin cushion. But it will all be worth it in the end. I will take my stims for a little over a week. I go in pretty much every other day (MWF) for blood work to check my E2 levels, and we want them to start rising. On Friday, in addition to a blood draw I will have an u/s to check my ovaries. I am assuming we will want to see some follicles growing; follicles contain the egg. Depending on what Friday's bloodwork and u/s show it will determine when they will have me do my trigger shot of HCG to get the ovaries to release the follicles. 36 hours after my trigger we go in for a retrieval. And if you are looking at a calendar right now, you will see that my tentative retrieval date is also the first week of school. In fact, I will most likely miss the very first hour of the very fist day of school for a monitoring appointment. Fabulous! Good thing I have my awesome sub A on stand by!

Here are 2 websites that do a pretty good job of explaining IVF and gestational surrogacy.

Wednesday, August 10, 2011

Dance Class FAIL!

The Nacho had her very first dance class today. To say I was excited was an understatement. I have been looking forward to the day my daughter was in dance since I was a little girl. But, unfortunately, today's class did NOT go well. The Nacho pretty much screamed and cried the whole time, and then peed on the floor at the very end of class, leaving behind a nice puddle. Just fabulous. I am sure her teacher is SO excited to have her back next week. I wanted to tell her teacher that she really is a very cute, sweet, entertaining little girl, and please don't judge her based on this one day. And of course, since I am hormonal right now, all I did was cry. It was terrible. And my mom and sister came to see the Nacho in all her cute glory, but instead got tears, pee, and more tears. Good times for them.

I am thinking maybe a pull up will be used next week. So embarrassed. I think I will go in disguise next time.

Wednesday, August 3, 2011

Potty Training

A friend gave me a book called 3 Day Potty Training that she had success using to PT her daughter. We are now on day 4 and I have decided the book needs to be renamed 3 Days of Hell.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Monday, August 1, 2011

2 Years Old!

Happy birthday to my sweet baby girl! Your personality lights up any room you are in and you amaze me every day with the things you know/say/do. You are my heart and my world! I am so glad God chose me to be your mommy & even more glad He decided to let me stay and watch you grow up. I love you more than words could ever describe!
 I can't believe my baby is turning two years old! How did that happen? I swear she was just born, then I blinked and now we are walking, talking, and having our own opinions.Slow down, kid, slow down!
So, what is the Nacho like at 2 years old? Well, she makes me laugh on a daily basis. She loves her dogs Molly and Heidi to pieces. She also loves to boss them around. She likes to mimic the things she sees mommy and daddy doing (or saying.) My favorite is when she puts on my sunglasses, grabs the keys, and says "bye" then tries to open the door. Too cute! She can sing her ABCs, can count to at least 10, sometimes even 15. She knows her colors and her basic shapes. She knows several opposites (up/down, hot/cold, happy/sad, open/closed, off/on, and maybe a few others.) I have lost count of her vocabulary, she is just talking up a storm. I really love watching her play, because she has started doing imaginative play; she pretends to feed her doll, or read it a story and rock it to sleep. She also loves music and singing the songs she has learned at school sich as Itsy Bitsy Spider (although to her it is the Icky Icky Spider), Baby Bumblebee, Wheels on the Bus, 6 Little Ducks, and Twinkle Twinkle.
The Nacho loves Yo Gabba Gabba (which is why we are having a Gabba themed birthday party), Cookie Monster, Elmo, and Dora. She also loves playing outside in her playhouse, its just too hot to do so right now, and swimming or playing in the sprinkler. Her favorite foods are all kinds of berries, cheese, ice cream, popsicles (or, as she calls them, poposicles), bananas,  and carbs. 

We were in gymnastics class from February until May, and she was doing so well. We stopped going though, because the gymnastics place was by my school, and since it's summer break, the drive out just didn't make much sense. We are now enrolled in dance classes and start next week. I am so excited and will probably cry at the first lesson. I have always dreamed about the day I would be taking my daughter to dance classes. No worries, I am sure I will have plenty of pictures to share!
Speaking of pictures, here are some of my favorites from the last 2 years.
 Just born

 Before all hell broke loose.

After. (Look how drugged up and out of it I am.)

 Love this one!

 This picture took my breath away the first time I saw it, and it still does today. Look at those lips! Swoon!!

 The Nacho and her Papa. She had him wrapped from second 1!

Going home.

Year One:

(I don't know why this picture is sideways, and I don't know how to fix it.)

These last 3 pictures are courtesy of my friend Carol at His and Hers Creative. She was awesome, and I would highly recommend her services to anyone. I have her info if you want it.

Well, that's picture overload! I will do a second post with pictures from her second year on it later.