Not a Good Appointment Today

I'm just going to copy and paste the email I sent to L, because I really don't feel like talking about it, and thinking about it anymore.

"I started my stims on Saturday, and had my first blood draw this morning. Ruth called with my results this afternoon, while I was in a meeting, so she left a voicemail saying my estradiol level for today was 77. She then said she wanted to confirm the doses of medications I was on (2 vials of Menopur  in the morning, 300 of Follistim, and 5 of Lupron in the evening, which is correct and what I have been doing.) The way she asked it has me worried that 77 is not a good number, and that it should be higher.

I called back as soon as I could and talked to her and according to her, 77 is low. I should be around 100-150 by today. And she is so blunt about everything, so she didn't break it to me easy, just flat out said, that's low. Ouch!

But then I thought of something that made me feel better. I have a weak left ovary. Dr. C has said that numerous times. I started to wonder if that has something to do with my low numbers. (That and the fact the Ruth said try to stay calm, don't get stressed. Well, its the week before school starts - one of the most stressful times ever! So I just have to keep calm and get that ovary doing some sit ups!) So that made me feel a little better until I talked to Gayla. Gayla said weak ovary or not, they still expect you to be at a certain level. Not exactly what I wanted to hear. But she did also say that although 77 is low, its not terrible.

So now I am just crossing my fingers that I am just a slow starter, and that its not that my body just isn't going to respond. Ruth said Friday will be the telling day because I will have more bloodwork and an ultrasound. So I just have to keep calm and optimistic until then."

Not exactly the result I was hoping for today, but I am trying to stay optimistic. I know its not over yet. Even if this cycle doesn't work, that doesn't mean we are out. It just means we try a different drug protocol and give it another shot. And then, if that doesn't work, we move to donor eggs. And then, if that doesn't work, I crawl in a hole and never come out again. So this has to work. It just has to!