Thursday, November 24, 2011
Because we are pregnant with identicals we have an ultrasound every 2 weeks in order to watch for TTTS. At our NT scan on the 10th the peri made a guess about gender. Then, at our next appointment on Tuesday the doctor confirmed the gender. In fact he said there is no question about it we are having identical twin . . .
I am so excited and couldn't be happier. I'm a little nervous because I don't know how to be a boy mom, but I'll figure it out. I am just so excited because after the Nacho I thought I would never have another child and now I am going to have "one" of each! My cup runneth over.
Wednesday, November 23, 2011
I already have a girl. I know what it’s like to be a girl mom. Being a girl mom is awesome! I love the bows, and the tutus, and the frills, and the princess, and all that comes along with little girls. We also have a ton of girl stuff, so shopping/preparing would be a lot easier. And I could just picture my dream girl nursery - it would be beautiful. We also have girl names picked out and I love them so much. If these babies are not girls we will be getting 2 cats and naming then with our girl names. I also look at my sister and the relationship we have, and I want that for the Nacho. I want her to have a sister (well, sisters) to grow up with.
I worry that because the babies are identical twins, they will always have that extra “special” about them. I don’t want the Nacho to feel like she is not as special as her siblings. I feel like if the babies are boys, then she will be the only girl and will have her own “special” about her. I just don’t want her to feel like an outcast, and think it will be less if the babies are boys.
I already have a girl. I already know what it is like to be a girl mom. I already know what it looks like when we make a girl. What would it be like to have a boy? Plus, the girl I already have is pretty freaking awesome, there is no way any other girl could ever compete with that. Having a boy gives us “one” of each, what could be more perfect than that?
I know nothing about being a boy mom. And you can’t put a bow in a boys hair. And boy clothes are not nearly as cute as girl clothes – everything is covered in trains, sports, and puppies. I don’t have the best impression of a brother/sister relationship (sorry J, but you know its true.) I want the Nacho to have siblings that she is close to, that she can count on, that will be her partner(s) in crime for the rest of her life. Will she get that with brothers?
So either way I win. I just couldn’t choose, which is why I am glad its not up to me. God knows what he is doing, and He knows what’s best for me and my family, and I trust Him. I know whatever they are, its going to be AWESOME!
The second most frequently asked question I get is “how do you feel/does it bother you/what’s it like/etc?” And that’s a tricky question for me to answer, and I don’t know if it will make much sense, but I will try.
How do I feel about L being the one pregnant? I feel excited, happy, ecstatic, thrilled, grateful, and blessed. It does not bother me AT ALL that I am not the one that is pregnant with the twins. I don’t care how they get here, whether I carried them, L carried them, or the freaking stork dropped them at my doorstep. I just want my babies. What I care about is that we are having babies, and that everyone involved is happy and healthy. L was the person and was meant to do this job, she was the one that is supposed to be carrying these babies. We had a handful of other potential surrogates that fell through for one reason or another before we found L, and now I understand why. She was meant to do this and no one else.
I do still have a hard time accepting the fact that I will never be pregnant again. I loved being pregnant with the Nacho. Yes, I was uncomfortable and anxious to meet her near the end of the pregnancy, but I enjoyed being pregnant. It kills me to know that I will never be able to nurture another life, that I will never feel another baby move and kick inside me. I still get a little jealous to see a hugely pregnant woman. I know I have said it before, I just hope that once my family is complete that it no longer matters to me that I can’t get pregnant.
People also keep asking if I am going to stay home now, or if I will continue to work. Right now we are planning on me continuing to work. I think I am a better mom because I work. I know by the end of the summer I am dying to get back to work and get a break from the Nacho. I don’t think I am able to stimulate her as well as Primrose does. I can’t think up all the cute activities that day care does. Plus, she loves her friends and her teachers and going to school. She would miss it if we pulled her out. But if I stopped working, there is no way we could afford to keep her at Primrose. The plan is to have a nanny watch the twins and then have the Nacho at day care 3 days a week and at home with the nanny and twins 2 days a week. I am also going to apply and see if the Nacho gets accepted into the PPCD inclusion program with my district. If she does, then she will be in school 5 days a week and it is WAAAAAY more affordable than Primrose (about half the cost). So unless we just can’t find a nanny (live in or live out, doesn’t matter to us), I will continue to work. And if you know of anyone that would be a great nanny, send them my way.