Da Night Before Christmas in Poland
'Twas the night before Christmas
In my Polish house
I creeped down da stairs
I creeped down da stairs
As quiet as mouse.
Da rest of my family
Dey is asleep
With visions of mushrooms
With visions of mushrooms
Through der heads creep.
Da work shoes are hung
Da work shoes are hung
By da chimney with care
In hopes that St. Stash
In hopes that St. Stash
Hill fill them dere.
While over in corner
Is silly to see
Kielbasa and cabbages
Kielbasa and cabbages
Hanging from tree.
Den dere's dis bang
Da house starts to shudder,
Some nut lands on roof
Some nut lands on roof
And breaks da rain gutter.
He starts down da chimney
Swears cuz it's tight.
I hide behind beer cases
I hide behind beer cases
Way out of sight.
He lands in the fireplace –
He lands in the fireplace –
Scorching his hair
On da busted up orange crate
On da busted up orange crate
Still burning dere.
He climbs out - I peak
And get a good look
He just like picture
He just like picture
In my Polish book.
He got vodka glazed eyes
He got vodka glazed eyes
And stomach like bubble,
A five-day beard –
A five-day beard –
There's soot on the subble.
Dis Polish Santa
Dis Polish Santa
I know without fear
Cuz he heads for da kitchen
Cuz he heads for da kitchen
And opens a beer.
He's lost all da buttons
Off his old mackinaw
And wears da biggest tennis shoes
And wears da biggest tennis shoes
I ever saw.
He finished a six pack
And gives a big smirk,
Reaches in potato sack
Reaches in potato sack
And then goes to work.
Now under da tree
He starts to set
Da most beautiful presents
Da most beautiful presents
A Polak can get.
There's a new mushroom basket
And shovel for brother,
A bright red babushka
A bright red babushka
And a pick axe for mother.
I must see him leave
I must see him leave
So I rushes outside
And looks up da roof
And looks up da roof
While in bushes I hide.
And what do I see
Through da twigs
But this old wooden garbage cart
But this old wooden garbage cart
Pulled by eight pigs.
Polish Santa jumps in
Polish Santa jumps in
And gives them all hell,
"Come on youse pigs
"Come on youse pigs
Don't just stand there and smell.
On Stella, On Walter,
On Stanley, and Joe,
And all youse others
And all youse others
Who names I don't know.
Fly over da junk yard
Fly over da junk yard
And stay out of sight
Must visit all peoples
Must visit all peoples
Before I get tight."
Then I hear him say
As he flew over me -
"I'm da only Polak
That gives things for free."
"I'm da only Polak
That gives things for free."