Emotions

I keep thinking back on everything that happened last Tuesday and I really wish I could convey all my emotions into a blog post. I have tried several times, and deleted them all, because they just didn't do it justice. What I really wish I could do it take that day, and capture it in a bottle. Yes, the day had its share of downs, but it also had a lot of ups, and I left that appointment on cloud nine. I keep thinking back on it and still feel that same high. I am sure it will wear off at some point though, and I don't want it too. Its not every day that you find out your IVF worked, and that you are expecting identical twins and possibly even triplets. IDENTICAL FREAKING TWINS!!!! That phrase has been running through my head on repeat pretty much non stop since that appointment. I will frequently pull out the ultrasound picture and just stare at it in disbelief.

Speaking of triplets, when we first found out there were 2 sacs and 3 babies my first emotion was relief when Dr. C said he didn't see a heartbeat in Baby C(who, BTW, I have names Charlie.)At the time I was a little overwhelmed with the thought of twins. (mostly surviving a twin pregnancy and then the financial aspect of 2 more babies.) The thought of triplets scared the snot out of me. At first I said I was just going to leave it in God's hands, since he knows what's best. But I have found myself over the last few days starting to pray for Charlie. It just slips in there without me even thinking about it. The thought of surviving a triplet pregnancy still scares the snot out of me. Plus, that is a LOT to ask of L and her body, I'm pretty sure that is not what she bargained for when she agreed to do this. But yet I still find myself with the urge to pray for Charlie, I can't help it. I can't stand the thought of losing any of my babies. I know the chances are pretty slim, and that most likely Charlie will be gone. And I know that will be for the best, but I will still be immensely sad.

And, in typical me fashion, my imagination has started to run wild. I have created several different scenarios that I have decided will play out at our u/s on Wednesday.

Scenario #1: Baby A and Baby B still look good, and so does Charlie. Charlie is doing so well in fact that s/he also decided to split and there are now 4.

Scenario #2: We have lost all 3.

Scenario #3: We find out the identicals are conjoined. (Yes, I know it is way too early to determine this. Its my crazy imagination, I can't control it I tell ya!)

And, because I know you are dying to see my beautiful babies, here they are!