Not a Good Appointment Today

I'm just going to copy and paste the email I sent to L, because I really don't feel like talking about it, and thinking about it anymore.

"I started my stims on Saturday, and had my first blood draw this morning. Ruth called with my results this afternoon, while I was in a meeting, so she left a voicemail saying my estradiol level for today was 77. She then said she wanted to confirm the doses of medications I was on (2 vials of Menopur  in the morning, 300 of Follistim, and 5 of Lupron in the evening, which is correct and what I have been doing.) The way she asked it has me worried that 77 is not a good number, and that it should be higher.

I called back as soon as I could and talked to her and according to her, 77 is low. I should be around 100-150 by today. And she is so blunt about everything, so she didn't break it to me easy, just flat out said, that's low. Ouch!

But then I thought of something that made me feel better. I have a weak left ovary. Dr. C has said that numerous times. I started to wonder if that has something to do with my low numbers. (That and the fact the Ruth said try to stay calm, don't get stressed. Well, its the week before school starts - one of the most stressful times ever! So I just have to keep calm and get that ovary doing some sit ups!) So that made me feel a little better until I talked to Gayla. Gayla said weak ovary or not, they still expect you to be at a certain level. Not exactly what I wanted to hear. But she did also say that although 77 is low, its not terrible.

So now I am just crossing my fingers that I am just a slow starter, and that its not that my body just isn't going to respond. Ruth said Friday will be the telling day because I will have more bloodwork and an ultrasound. So I just have to keep calm and optimistic until then."

Not exactly the result I was hoping for today, but I am trying to stay optimistic. I know its not over yet. Even if this cycle doesn't work, that doesn't mean we are out. It just means we try a different drug protocol and give it another shot. And then, if that doesn't work, we move to donor eggs. And then, if that doesn't work, I crawl in a hole and never come out again. So this has to work. It just has to!

The Next Step

Ok, so for the past few weeks I have been taking 10 units of Lupron in order to suppress my ovaries. I go in every few days to check my Estradiol (E2) levels, and do an ultrasound on my ovaries, to make sure the Lupron is doing its job. And so far so good. Everytime we do an u/s, they find my right ovary right away and it always looks great. They always have a harder time finding my left ovary, because it is a little smaller. As Dr. C has said, it is a weak ovary. According to Dr. C that just means we won't get quite as many eggs from that side. So fingers crossed I can make enough to move forward.

That has always been a fear hanging out in the back of my mind about my ovaries. I remember after everything happened and my OB was talking to me about breastfeeding. He told me not to stress out if my milk never came in because my body was trying to compensate for all the blood loss. He said that the body protects the major organs by depriving less important organs of blood so that the major organs will have enough. So what if, because of all the blood loss, something happened to my ovaries? I'm trying not to think about that and hopefully it is a bridge we won't ever have to cross.

So on Saturday I will start my stims. I will be taking 150 for Menopur in the morning and then 300 of Follistim and 5 of Lupron in the evening. All my shots will got in my belly, since its nice and fatty. I am about to become a human pin cushion. But it will all be worth it in the end. I will take my stims for a little over a week. I go in pretty much every other day (MWF) for blood work to check my E2 levels, and we want them to start rising. On Friday, in addition to a blood draw I will have an u/s to check my ovaries. I am assuming we will want to see some follicles growing; follicles contain the egg. Depending on what Friday's bloodwork and u/s show it will determine when they will have me do my trigger shot of HCG to get the ovaries to release the follicles. 36 hours after my trigger we go in for a retrieval. And if you are looking at a calendar right now, you will see that my tentative retrieval date is also the first week of school. In fact, I will most likely miss the very first hour of the very fist day of school for a monitoring appointment. Fabulous! Good thing I have my awesome sub A on stand by!

Here are 2 websites that do a pretty good job of explaining IVF and gestational surrogacy.
http://www.crhivf.com/IVF/IVFStimulation.aspx
http://www.surromomsonline.com/articles/gs_process.htm