I think that through a lot of this I have been focused on me, and getting another baby. D has always said he would be content if we never have another child, but that he knows how much it means to me. And if it makes me happy, then he is happy. So I have often worried about him, and how he is handling things, if he was going to care much about our success, etc. But the this afternoon he made a comment that made me realize that yes, he is just as invested in this as I am.
D, my mom, and I had been talking about the next few steps in the process and mom said something about the 2 week wait between the transfer and taking a pregnancy test. Mom asked him what we are going to do to keep Janelle sane. And D responded with, "No, what are we going to do to keep ME sane?!?!" Funny and sweet all at the same time. I can't imagine going through this with anyone else! He is the best!!
Tuesday, July 19, 2011
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
Thriftiness
So my fabulously awesome and quite fashionable friend Amber introduced me to thrift store shopping and I have to admit, I am addicted! K have 2 places - a Thrift City and one specific Goodwill that I really like and have had great luck at.
After the Nacho was born, I stopped shopping for myself; I just didn't enjoy it anymore. I would much rather spend my money on my kid. But, I still need clothes for work, since my body shape (and size) changed after pregnancy. And since I can't wear my pink polka dot A&M pajama pants and baggy t-shirt every day, I must do some shopping for myself. Up until recently, I would be in and out of the store in seconds, buying just one or two of the cheapest things I could find before racing across the street to Kid to Kid where I would spend hours loading up on kids clothes. It's a sickness I tell ya!
Well, all that has changed thanks to Amber. I have gotten quite the wardrobe now, and all for less than $100! I am so excited. Today I hit up the GW and got 4 jackets, 3 dresses, 2 skirts, 2 shirts, and one big, floppy, stuffed dog for my reading corner for $50. And almost everything was name brand. A few things were brand new with tags still on. I am thrilled! A few weeks ago we went to TC and had just as good of luck. Now I need to go through my closet and start seeing what all I have, start putting outfits together, and then seeing what I still need so I can make one more trip before school starts. As soon as I get a chance I will take some pictures of some of my favorite finds and post them. I love sharing a bargain!
I did realize though, that I have lots of skirts and dresses, so I need to stock up on tattoo covering bandaids.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
After the Nacho was born, I stopped shopping for myself; I just didn't enjoy it anymore. I would much rather spend my money on my kid. But, I still need clothes for work, since my body shape (and size) changed after pregnancy. And since I can't wear my pink polka dot A&M pajama pants and baggy t-shirt every day, I must do some shopping for myself. Up until recently, I would be in and out of the store in seconds, buying just one or two of the cheapest things I could find before racing across the street to Kid to Kid where I would spend hours loading up on kids clothes. It's a sickness I tell ya!
Well, all that has changed thanks to Amber. I have gotten quite the wardrobe now, and all for less than $100! I am so excited. Today I hit up the GW and got 4 jackets, 3 dresses, 2 skirts, 2 shirts, and one big, floppy, stuffed dog for my reading corner for $50. And almost everything was name brand. A few things were brand new with tags still on. I am thrilled! A few weeks ago we went to TC and had just as good of luck. Now I need to go through my closet and start seeing what all I have, start putting outfits together, and then seeing what I still need so I can make one more trip before school starts. As soon as I get a chance I will take some pictures of some of my favorite finds and post them. I love sharing a bargain!
I did realize though, that I have lots of skirts and dresses, so I need to stock up on tattoo covering bandaids.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
Friday, July 8, 2011
Moving Right Along
I heard from Gayla yesterday and L has met with Dr. Chantilis twice now. The first time was for a basic consultation and then yesterday was for a more indepth exam. And both appointments have gone very well. L is in great health, and we found out yesterday her uterus looks great. The only minor thing is that her thyroid level was slightly elevated (they like it to be around 2.0 and her's was 2.6.) Gayla did say they Dr. C put L on some medicine to bring that level down, but he is not concerned by it, and neither is Gayla, so I won't be either.
Dr. C has also started L on a mock cycle. From what I understand, this is to see how her body and uterus respond to the meds. What should hopefully happen is her uterus creates a nice, thick, healthy lining. And if it does, we will then start getting our cycles synced. Scary and exciting all at the same time! I can't believe it's all really starting to happen!! I know there will be bumps in the road, but hopefully it isn't anything that will completely knock us off our path. After all the ups and downs I have been though these past 23 months, I don't think I can emotionally take much more.
Speaking of contract, we got the first draft yesterday for us to start looking over. Once Dave and I are comfortable with it, it will be sent to L to look over. And once everyone is comfortable with it, we will sign and it will all be official!
Dr. C has also started L on a mock cycle. From what I understand, this is to see how her body and uterus respond to the meds. What should hopefully happen is her uterus creates a nice, thick, healthy lining. And if it does, we will then start getting our cycles synced. Scary and exciting all at the same time! I can't believe it's all really starting to happen!! I know there will be bumps in the road, but hopefully it isn't anything that will completely knock us off our path. After all the ups and downs I have been though these past 23 months, I don't think I can emotionally take much more.
Speaking of contract, we got the first draft yesterday for us to start looking over. Once Dave and I are comfortable with it, it will be sent to L to look over. And once everyone is comfortable with it, we will sign and it will all be official!
Friday, July 1, 2011
Jealousy
Will there ever be a time that I am not crazy jealous of a pregnant woman, or a woman that as the ability to get pregnant, or give birth?
I am a teacher, so I work with mostly women. Women that get pregnant and have babies. It is so hard to smile, and be happy for them when I am crying inside. Don't get me wrong, I really am happy for them, but also sad/angry for myself. There were several pregnancies this past school year that I had to endure, two of which have already delivered. One of the two didn't bother me too much. She delivered in the spring, so she was out on maternity leave for a good chunk of the school year. So for her it was kind of like she was there one day, then gone the next. She has brought her daughter up to school to show her off (like every new mom should!) and as everyone else is stopping to "ooh" and "ahh" and hold and snuggle that sweet baby, I had to just run right by and go back to my room. I am sure it makes me look like some horrible kind of person, but it is either that or I stand there crying and jealous.
The other pregnancy was harder to endure. She was not due until the end of June, so I had to watch her growing stomach every day. Watch people come up to her and talk about her pregnancy, how shes feeling, asking to touch her belly, etc. We passed each other in the hall all the time. Her pregnancy (and my lack of) was in my face every single day. She had her baby almost 2 weeks ago, and emailed pictures to everyone. I was only able to quickly look before I deleted them. I am happy for her, and her baby is gorgeous, but , seeing that picture of her, holding her baby, in a hospital bed, with that post-delivery glow, (a picture I never got with the Nacho, and will definitely never get with any future children) I starting feeling the anger and jealousy well up in me.
I have a very close friend/coworker that is currently pregnant and due in January. I am worried about how I will handle it when school starts back up. I love S dearly, and I am so excited for her. I hope I can keep my jealousy in check, and can just show her genuine enthuasim and excitement. But I also hope the she (and anyone else I know that ends up pregnant) understands when I seem less than enthused about something to do with their pregnancy/delivery/newborn.
I keep hoping that once my family is complete I will no longer care about the fact that I cannot ever be pregnant again, or that I will not be the person that labors and delivery my child. I will never be able to tell my child "I brought you into this world, and I can take you out of it!" Will all of that cease to matter when I am finally holding my baby in my arms? I hope so!
I am a teacher, so I work with mostly women. Women that get pregnant and have babies. It is so hard to smile, and be happy for them when I am crying inside. Don't get me wrong, I really am happy for them, but also sad/angry for myself. There were several pregnancies this past school year that I had to endure, two of which have already delivered. One of the two didn't bother me too much. She delivered in the spring, so she was out on maternity leave for a good chunk of the school year. So for her it was kind of like she was there one day, then gone the next. She has brought her daughter up to school to show her off (like every new mom should!) and as everyone else is stopping to "ooh" and "ahh" and hold and snuggle that sweet baby, I had to just run right by and go back to my room. I am sure it makes me look like some horrible kind of person, but it is either that or I stand there crying and jealous.
The other pregnancy was harder to endure. She was not due until the end of June, so I had to watch her growing stomach every day. Watch people come up to her and talk about her pregnancy, how shes feeling, asking to touch her belly, etc. We passed each other in the hall all the time. Her pregnancy (and my lack of) was in my face every single day. She had her baby almost 2 weeks ago, and emailed pictures to everyone. I was only able to quickly look before I deleted them. I am happy for her, and her baby is gorgeous, but , seeing that picture of her, holding her baby, in a hospital bed, with that post-delivery glow, (a picture I never got with the Nacho, and will definitely never get with any future children) I starting feeling the anger and jealousy well up in me.
I have a very close friend/coworker that is currently pregnant and due in January. I am worried about how I will handle it when school starts back up. I love S dearly, and I am so excited for her. I hope I can keep my jealousy in check, and can just show her genuine enthuasim and excitement. But I also hope the she (and anyone else I know that ends up pregnant) understands when I seem less than enthused about something to do with their pregnancy/delivery/newborn.
I keep hoping that once my family is complete I will no longer care about the fact that I cannot ever be pregnant again, or that I will not be the person that labors and delivery my child. I will never be able to tell my child "I brought you into this world, and I can take you out of it!" Will all of that cease to matter when I am finally holding my baby in my arms? I hope so!
Friday, June 17, 2011
The Players
Since there will be quite a few different people involved in getting me another baby, I figured I should write out a list of characters to help keep it all straight. These are people I will probably mention with some frequency on here. Anyone else I will explain who they are when necessary. If I find myself talking about someone often, I will add them to the list.
Lead Characters:
Dave/David/daddy/DH: my kind, supportive, and loving husband
The Nacho/Macaroon/DD: my fabulous daughter
Gayla: the independent surrogacy consultant - she is helping us through this whole process, starting with finding a surrogate
L/Surro3: the current surrogate
Dr. Chantilis: the RE that will get my surrogate pregnant
Supporting Cast:
Grammy: my mom
Papa: my dad
Mimi: Dave's mom
Jen: my sister and first option for a surrogate until her son's disastrous birth
Reid-o: my miracle nephew and JA's son
Surro1: dear, dear, wonderful, amazing friend that offered to be a surrogate, but then decided (understandably) the health risks for her were too high
Surro2: found her via an ad. Things were moving right along, and we were aiming for a fall transfer, when she had to make a temporary move to WI to care for an ailing family member.
Justin: my younger brother that passed away in 1997. He is the Nacho and Reid-o's guardian angel. I know neither Reid-o nor myself would be here today if Justin had not been looking out for us on those fateful days.
JJ: my older brother
Ali: JJ's wife
Baby O/OJ: my nephew; JJ and Ali's son
Lead Characters:
Dave/David/daddy/DH: my kind, supportive, and loving husband
The Nacho/Macaroon/DD: my fabulous daughter
Gayla: the independent surrogacy consultant - she is helping us through this whole process, starting with finding a surrogate
L/Surro3: the current surrogate
Dr. Chantilis: the RE that will get my surrogate pregnant
Supporting Cast:
Grammy: my mom
Papa: my dad
Mimi: Dave's mom
Jen: my sister and first option for a surrogate until her son's disastrous birth
Reid-o: my miracle nephew and JA's son
Surro1: dear, dear, wonderful, amazing friend that offered to be a surrogate, but then decided (understandably) the health risks for her were too high
Surro2: found her via an ad. Things were moving right along, and we were aiming for a fall transfer, when she had to make a temporary move to WI to care for an ailing family member.
Justin: my younger brother that passed away in 1997. He is the Nacho and Reid-o's guardian angel. I know neither Reid-o nor myself would be here today if Justin had not been looking out for us on those fateful days.
JJ: my older brother
Ali: JJ's wife
Baby O/OJ: my nephew; JJ and Ali's son
Monday, March 14, 2011
Officially Crazy
I sent an email to my coworkers a few days ago asking them if they knew of anyone that would be a good surrogate. I have officially crossed over to the side of crazy!
Thursday, March 3, 2011
The Story So Far
I have had every intention of writing out a very through birth story for the Nacho's birth, but it never happened. So instead, here is a very abbreviated version of everything that has happened. This is what I have written out to use as we begin our search for a surrogate or adoption agency. (Still going back and forth on that right now. Leaning towards surrogacy, but the thought of someone being pregnant for me scares the cr*# out of me.)
My pregnancy with the Nacho was a piece of cake. My OB (Dr. Jordan) even told me I should teach others how to be pregnant because everything went so well. And her delivery was easy too. I got to the hospital at 9 that night after my water broke at dinner. I started pushing at 4:00 and she was born at 4:48 am. The only problem up to that point was my epidural didn't set up on my right side so I could feel everything on that side, so they had to double dose me which made my left side super numb. After the Nacho was born things get a little fuzzy. I remember thinking it was taking a long time to deliver the placenta, and then it really started hurting. At one point I said I was dizzy and didn't feel very good (now I realize that was due to so much blood loss.) My poor mom and Dave were in there watching and hearing them call for blood and for someone from the nursery to come get the Nacho STAT, etc. Dr. Jordan told me we needed to go to the operating room to help get the placenta out and I didn't care at that point and was grateful to be knocked out because it hurt so bad. They rushed me out and just left my mom and Dave standing there in the empty room looking at the bloody floor. We have video of when they went to tell everyone it was a girl (we didn't find out the gender) and they hadn't turned the camera off when mom told everyone that something had gone wrong. It makes me sad to hear how scared they were.
I also remember getting into the OR and them putting my legs up in the stirrups and them immediately putting them back down again. I found out later that was because on the trip from the delivery room to the OR my placenta finally delivered but it was still attached to my uterus. So when it delivered it caused the uterus to turn inside out. I was in surgery for several hours and received 7 units of blood (basically replenished my entire blood supply) before Dr. Jordan decided it was either my uterus or my life. He said that I was losing blood as fast as he was putting it in. I spent the next 24 hours in the ICU and Dr. J didn't expect me to survive the night. He figured my kidneys would shut down first and everything else would follow. But that didn't happen. Other than having no baby oven now, I have no lasting effects from everything that happened.
After everything happened with me and my delivery, my sister said "I will do it!" And she was very adamant about it. She and her husband W had just started trying to get pregnant, so the plan was for her to have a baby, and after that, when she was ready, carry for us. (If you haven't read that blog post, it is here.) He had a Velamentous cord insertion and vasa previa. His cord tore away from the placenta shortly after Jen's water broke and he basically bled out in utero. Thankfully Jen was at the hospital or we would have lost both of them. We are lucky Reid-o is here today and so far showing no permanent damage. The first few days after he was born we were preparing to plan a funeral. So, even though Jen has said she will still carry for us, there is no way I will let her. She has to have her happy ending before she can help me have mine. After everything happened with Reid-o, it really shook my family up. My brother and his wife were due in another month and we were terrified that something else was going to happen, and JJ demanded they test and look for EVERYTHING, even if Ali didn't have any risk factors – thankfully Baby O had a very normal and boring delivery. We have talked with several different doctors, and they have all said the same thing: there is no genetic link between everything that happened; we just have some incredible luck. My question is, why can't we have that kind of luck with the lottery?????
After Reid-o was born a family friend, Surro1, came forward and said she wanted to be our carrier. So in February we made our first appointment with an Dr. Chantilis. Dave and I have both done the FDA testing, and Dave has made his "contribution" but that is as far as we got. In March, after talking with her doctor and Dr. C, Surro1 decided the risk of taking hormones was too great due to a significant family history of female cancer. After that we decided to move forward with fostering, and recently got denied because they only wanted families that either had one stay at home parent or would take a sibling group of 4 or more. And although I would love to foster children one day, that just wasn't the right move for my family at this moment time. So we have now started researching our options, because I am determined to give the Nacho a sibling!
My pregnancy with the Nacho was a piece of cake. My OB (Dr. Jordan) even told me I should teach others how to be pregnant because everything went so well. And her delivery was easy too. I got to the hospital at 9 that night after my water broke at dinner. I started pushing at 4:00 and she was born at 4:48 am. The only problem up to that point was my epidural didn't set up on my right side so I could feel everything on that side, so they had to double dose me which made my left side super numb. After the Nacho was born things get a little fuzzy. I remember thinking it was taking a long time to deliver the placenta, and then it really started hurting. At one point I said I was dizzy and didn't feel very good (now I realize that was due to so much blood loss.) My poor mom and Dave were in there watching and hearing them call for blood and for someone from the nursery to come get the Nacho STAT, etc. Dr. Jordan told me we needed to go to the operating room to help get the placenta out and I didn't care at that point and was grateful to be knocked out because it hurt so bad. They rushed me out and just left my mom and Dave standing there in the empty room looking at the bloody floor. We have video of when they went to tell everyone it was a girl (we didn't find out the gender) and they hadn't turned the camera off when mom told everyone that something had gone wrong. It makes me sad to hear how scared they were.
I also remember getting into the OR and them putting my legs up in the stirrups and them immediately putting them back down again. I found out later that was because on the trip from the delivery room to the OR my placenta finally delivered but it was still attached to my uterus. So when it delivered it caused the uterus to turn inside out. I was in surgery for several hours and received 7 units of blood (basically replenished my entire blood supply) before Dr. Jordan decided it was either my uterus or my life. He said that I was losing blood as fast as he was putting it in. I spent the next 24 hours in the ICU and Dr. J didn't expect me to survive the night. He figured my kidneys would shut down first and everything else would follow. But that didn't happen. Other than having no baby oven now, I have no lasting effects from everything that happened.
After everything happened with me and my delivery, my sister said "I will do it!" And she was very adamant about it. She and her husband W had just started trying to get pregnant, so the plan was for her to have a baby, and after that, when she was ready, carry for us. (If you haven't read that blog post, it is here.) He had a Velamentous cord insertion and vasa previa. His cord tore away from the placenta shortly after Jen's water broke and he basically bled out in utero. Thankfully Jen was at the hospital or we would have lost both of them. We are lucky Reid-o is here today and so far showing no permanent damage. The first few days after he was born we were preparing to plan a funeral. So, even though Jen has said she will still carry for us, there is no way I will let her. She has to have her happy ending before she can help me have mine. After everything happened with Reid-o, it really shook my family up. My brother and his wife were due in another month and we were terrified that something else was going to happen, and JJ demanded they test and look for EVERYTHING, even if Ali didn't have any risk factors – thankfully Baby O had a very normal and boring delivery. We have talked with several different doctors, and they have all said the same thing: there is no genetic link between everything that happened; we just have some incredible luck. My question is, why can't we have that kind of luck with the lottery?????
After Reid-o was born a family friend, Surro1, came forward and said she wanted to be our carrier. So in February we made our first appointment with an Dr. Chantilis. Dave and I have both done the FDA testing, and Dave has made his "contribution" but that is as far as we got. In March, after talking with her doctor and Dr. C, Surro1 decided the risk of taking hormones was too great due to a significant family history of female cancer. After that we decided to move forward with fostering, and recently got denied because they only wanted families that either had one stay at home parent or would take a sibling group of 4 or more. And although I would love to foster children one day, that just wasn't the right move for my family at this moment time. So we have now started researching our options, because I am determined to give the Nacho a sibling!
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